What I do and do not understand

I guess you could call this a rant. This has really been bugging me for the longest time and I just want to say what I do not understand and what I do understand.

I do not understand, when I go onto Facebook and I see these picture ‘quotes’ where every other word is a curse word. Statuses giving account to viscous or unseemly behavior, then the same people who post such things, their next update proclaims how much they praise and love God.

This is what I do understand. Actions such as these, contribute to the opinion that the church is full of hypocrites. Declaring to be a follower and believer of the Lord, but do not accept the responsibility of inserting Christian principles in day to day living. Making faith to seem as if it is a joke and something that doesn’t have to be taken seriously.This is a direct insult to Christ and everything He stands for. This is disrespectful to the church and a stumbling block for those who want and deserve to know our true God.

A study administered by Lifeway of unchurched Americans in 2008, revealed that even those turned off by the church, 78 percent were willing to listen to someone who wanted to talk about their Christian beliefs. 89 percent of adults, from 18-29 years of age, were also willing. On the same note, 72 percent thought that the church was ‘full of hypocrites’ and 79 percent believed

that Christianity was more about organized religion than loving God and loving people. What an advantage and disadvantage this is for evangelical Christianity.

What I need you to understand, is that I am not standing on my ‘soap box’ so to speak, with a self righteous attitude. I am far from perfect. I need His guidance everyday to stay on the straight and narrow. Somedays, I do not do as well as I should and I fall short of His glory everyday. The difference, is that I want to bear fruit. I want the Lord to change me from the inside and take control of my life, because when it is left only in my hands, it has been proven to be out of control.

I know that when Christians are mocked and persecuted for His name, we should rejoice. The opinions of this sort, are more than fine by me. But when people have this opinion because of the conduct of a Christian, that is not fine. We are called to set an example and to lead others to Him. I want other people that I come in contact with, to know the joy and the kind of peace you receive through serving him. I want them to know, that this is not something you say or just show up for. Confessing to be a Christian, is a way of life.

This is my defense, to someone who believes we are all a bunch of hypocrites. Before making this statement, please grasp what a Christian can look like. It doesn’t mean that we do no wrong doing, ever. We make mistakes, get angry sometimes, and can be in a bad mood. We are human, fallible. But if you need us, we are there. I am willing to accept and love you. Come as you are, your transgressions and all. It just makes for a more powerful testimony, as was my case. Remember to not hold me to the standard that I am to be Jesus Christ, instead of trying to be Christ like. Even on my best days, I will never come close.    

Mommy Bootcamp

I have had it! My three year old's behavior, has been completely out of control lately. She has been testing my husband and I for quite sometime, (as children most often do) and we have dealt with it accordingly.

But she has been taking it to a whole different level. We thought the reason for her acting out, was because of the baby. So we made sure to include her in everything, and have been spending lots of one on one time with her. She doesn't seem to be jealous of the baby. She is loving, gentle, and even down right protective over him. So, I have came to the conclusion, that she wants to see how much she can control. How much she can get away with.

She defies everything we say, screams and yells at us, spits, kicks, hits, and is destructive. I would fight a grizzly bear, rather than dress her in the mornings. Either she's running off in between each item of clothing you put on her, or it includes twenty intermissions for a solo performance of Ring Around the Rosie!

I have exercised the patience of Job, I've done the whole, bend down and talk to them at eye level thing. I tried a reward chart with stickers, which I still have a million stickers left! I have asked other moms for advice, time-outs, and even lost my temper. I have cried out of frustration and going constantly, to the Lord in prayer . After an episode last night, I prayed even harder, to the point of pleading.

This morning I woke up and decided, that I am going to take a different approach. My interaction with her this week, will be direct, short, and firm. There will be no, pick up your toys, please. Don't do that sweetie, listen to mom, please! Oh no, none of that, operation Mommy Bootcamp is in full effect!

So, hide your husbands, wives, and grandparents eyes. A day of reckoning is upon the Reyes household, and I'm about to turn it up. There will be no need for Nanny 911. Instead, it's Mommy 411 up in this mug, and I'm going to give you the business! Mommy Bootcamp has initiated, as of this morning.

She came downstairs wanting chocolate. Instead of trying to explain, for the umpteenth time, why she can't have chocolate for breakfast, I said no once, then proceeded to fix her cereal and a cup of milk, ignoring her repeated request. She eventually gave up.

I fed the baby, while she ate her cereal and afterwards, headed upstairs to dress her. Along the way, I grabbed a belt for a more visual precursor. If you must know, I didn't use it. Please do not lecture or send me links of research or studies, claiming how this kind of punishment will raise a violent child, that hates my guts, and eventually try to kill me. It should be used correctly, with an understanding, that inflicting pain is not the objective. Besides, I participated in such a study called, ''Step out of line, I'll beat your behind'' while growing up. I turned out fine, my parents are alive, I love and most importantly, respect them. Anyways, moving along.

She began whining and demanding that she wear her blue church dress, and how she didn't, want to wear her other clothes! I calmly and firmly told her to get dressed. No!, she shouted, then ran to her room. I followed behind, and told her calmly again, to get dressed. No!, she shouted again. I turned and slapped the belt on the bed, with more force than that mattress has seen in a long time! I turned back around and told her once more, calmly but firmly, ''Get dressed.'' Needless to say, she complied. I was even able to fix her hair immediately afterwards. ''Let's go'' I said, instead of, ''Alllll done!'' She came downstairs and got in the car without giving me any static.

This may seem a bit harsh, but I have tried all the nice talk, the explaining, the requesting. I have had patience beyond what I should, and most days felt defeated. So, if it is wrong to be more unyielding and stern with my child, to reclaim parental authority. I don't want to be right. I refuse to raise her with a perverse sense of self entitlement and disregard for proper authority.

I never wanted to feel like a ''mean mom.'' But I do, want to feel the joy that a parent/child relationship can have, living it up to it's full potential.




 

I have completely lost it!

I came to the realization today, that I have completely lost it. Slowly, it has been creeping up on me the past few years. Now, I can no longer avoid the undeniable.

What's that you ask, that is so deserving of such a dramatic opening? My ''Cool Card.'' Yes, my licenses have been permanently revoked! I am officially no longer considered cool.

Here is a list of the crimes I have committed, in the past couple of years, that has caused this legitimate action to take place.

• I have done the Mom Dance. In case you are wondering what awesome moves this consist of or secretly wondering, if you are guilty of busting out into it. I can teach it to you really fast. Ready? Ok. Now clap hands, then snap fingers, and repeat. All the while, shuffling your feet from side to side. If you are doing this or have done this, you are on your way to being an ultimate cheese ball. The upside, is that you now possess the power to embarrass the crap out of your kid. You're welcome!
• Googling slang terms. Google is a great friend of mine. I use it to find information of all sorts. Including the meaning of TBH, LMS, and DDT. These are just to name a few, of the very many, abbreviations that are used online these days. I still haven't moved past LOL!
• It takes me five minutes to read and understand a text that resembles this: gr8 2 c u 2day! Btw be bk soon. I hv sum1 u need to c.. K?! TTYL:) 
• The thought of even staying out past 10:00, causes me great anxiety. It interrupts my boring routine of mindless internet surfing and cuts into my "me" time. Besides, anything past 8:30 a.m. is considered sleeping in!
•  Running away the neighborhood children for being too loud. Yes, I became THAT woman one night. My daughter was trying to sleep and they were disturbing my Bible study. Here is my cool choice of words, " You guys need to quiet it down out here! Where do you live?!? Who is your momma and daddy?!?"
• At a redlight, I am listening to the news radio. While finding out the weather forecast of the week, so I'll know how to dress my kids in the morning, the guy next to me is blasting a song, about how he ''Woke up in a new bugatti!'' BTW, if you have to google this song, you need to turn in your licenses immediately, because of it's absurd popularity.   

If you also, find yourself doing one or more of the following above, it is safe to assume, that you have or are in serious danger of losing your ''Cool Card.''

It's ''Cool'' with me though, I'm right where I want to be!   

I am a Real Housewife of Atlanta

Unless you have been living under a rock, you are familiar with the reality t.v. show "The Real Housewives of Atlanta."

Although dangerous, I've been doing some thinking. Why is it called the "Real Housewives?" None of the woman are actual housewives.

Being that I am a housewife, that lives in Atlanta, I decided to list ten differences between myself and the woman who are cast on the show, just for fun.

1. Instead of carrying the latest Chanel bag, I'm all over here like, ''Check out this purse I found at  Goodwill and it's never been used!!''
2. Rather than having lunch at a swanky restaurant with my girlfriends, mine consist of a pack of peanut butter crackers, while on the phone with my sister.
3. The only kandi I know, is the kind I tell my toddler she can't have for breakfast.
4. The "Gone with the Wind Fabulous" twirls I see, are that of the agitator inside my washing machine. This I'm thankful for!
5. I do not drive a 70,000.00 car, but I've got seat warmers... Woot!
6. My hairstylist, are a bunch of Youtube videos.
7. While they, upon greeting, are kissing each others cheeks, I'm wiping buttcheeks.
8. They are pictured holding fresh peaches, and I pour mine out of the can.
9. They argue about a '' Donkey Booty'' video, while I'm trying to keep my three year old's hand out of hers!!
10. Instead of worrying about being tardy for the party, I just hope my child isn't tardy for the potty.

 

I live every woman's dream! (apparently)

Cruising through facebook the other day, I seen something that made me a bit irritated. It was an e-card that said the following "I hear you. Raising a kid and running a household keeps me busy, too. I also have this gig on the side called a full time job."

Now, what I consider to be ignorant remarks, usually does not offend me. But since I have been a stay at home mom for the majority of the time I have been a mother, I'm really getting annoyed at the stereotypes that are placed on myself and other women who have this way of life. My counter arguments have always been a soft "it's not as easy as you think" or the famous "I do work!"

There seems to be this battle, of the moms who work outside of the home (I don't use the term "working" mom, because both work) and the stay at home mom. Who has the upper hand? Who is superior and more ambitious? Who does more? My opinion on the matter is, neither! Being a parent in general is hard. Both endeavors have their perks. I do not believe that one trumps the other and each of these worlds, needs to be respected.

I stay at home because financially, it makes more sense for our household. It would cost us more money for me to have a job outside of the home. Between gas and daycare alone, would be my whole paycheck. Not to mention, that we would eat out more often and other expenses.

I do not stay home because I am a spoiled, kept woman. We are extremely frugal and modest when it comes to money. We have a budget each month. Planning for emergencies and rainy days are our top priorities. I have learned how to be resourceful and I have learned to distinguish a want, from a necessary need, yes, the word necessary is very important here.

Work, yes, I do work. I work ALL day long. I do not take breaks, watch t.v., and most days I don't even eat a decent meal. Lazy? Some days, I wish.

I've heard, ''when I get home, I do the same thing you do.'' Yes, it's a stressful part of the day, isn't it? Well, thats what we do all day. I find it almost funny, when people think I don't need a break from my chores or children, because I do not work outside of the home.

It is estimated that a stay at home mom's work, is worth a salary of 112,962 a year. Putting in around 94.7 hours a week.

Working outside of the home allows a break from motherhood, and studies have shown, that mothers  have less worry, depression, stress, and anger. Also, women that return to the workforce shortly after childbirth, report better physical and mental health.

The grass isn't greener on this side ladies. Don't believe me? There are countless stories, like the ones here, here, and here, of women who have done both, and chose to go back to work.

Listen moms, what I'm trying to say, is that we are both exhausted and in desperate need of a vacation. One path is not harder than the other. We both have to make these sacrifices for our families. We each, have things to cross off our to-do list at the end of the day.

I see what you do, using your sick and vacation days to take care of a sick child. Feeling guilty because you make it home just in time to put your little ones to bed. Heartbroken, because you had to miss another milestone. I see you, I just want you to see me too.

I want you to see how we long for some adult interaction, to drive in the car by ourselves, blasting our favorite song, which we may sing horribly to. I want you to see my puked on shirt I am currently wearing, while patting a baby on the behind that I'm trying to get to sleep on my chest, because he is fighting it. All the while, typing this article with one hand. I want you to see, how it pains me that our work is underappreciated and how staying at home, to raise my children, is not considered an honorable job. 








  


 

How I became a better wife

Four years is not a very long time to be married. But, during these years, I have learned an awful lot about what it takes to make my marriage work. That's right, I said it, learned.

See, I thought that being a wife, was something I was going to be naturally good at. I mean, I can cook, clean, do laundry, and I truly love this man that is standing at the altar before me. That's enough right? Love. 

Little did I know, I was about to understand the meaning of the phrase "sometimes, love just isn't enough." 

I was about to understand what the true meaning of the altar (any structure upon which offerings, such as sacrifices are made) really meant.

These are a few of the many things I learned:

Contentment-  I had to learn to love and embrace my life the way it is. I found myself always wanting more or something different out of my life and was sure that whatever "this" was that I longed for would make me happy. I was looking to my husband to fulfil all my needs to be happy, which is an unrealistic expectation to put on anyone. I had to understand that happiness comes from within, learning to be thankful and content with what I had and who I was. Happiness, is not a person. Someone can make you happy for a moment, but happiness, in my opinion, is your view of life. It is a way you choose to see the world and your circumstances.

Say you're sorry- I cannot express the power of these two words "I'm sorry." We all have bad days, overreact to things, are out of line and are in the wrong. Letting your partner know that you recognize your faults and bad conduct, can heal what otherwise would have been a wound that festered into resentment or more controversy between each other. The whole "I speak before I think" is something we all have been guilty of at times. It is nothing to be boastful about. It is not only damaging, but foolish behavior. Learn some self-control. It can be hard, for some more than others, to apologize. If you are on the receiving end, this is not a time to lecture. Accept, forgive, and move on.

Respect- Respect one another and each others wishes. If they ask something of you, it is not the time to be rebellious and have a don't tell me what to do attitude. Usually, it is something within reason that is making them uncomfortable or to feel disregarded. Even though at times I felt I wasn't treated with respect, I swallowed my pride and gave nothing but respect, that's when I found, it is true, you have to give respect to get it. Sometimes you have to take a humble approach and be the first to give it. Lead by example. Stop waiting on the other to make the first move, you both will be waiting together and miss out on the opportunity to strengthen your bond.

Seek wise counsel- We all have well meaning people around, at least I hope, family and friends are. But sometimes, they do not give the best advice. They see us hurting and can't help but to ridicule our spouse and take our side. This can be detrimental for a marriage. Then, when you guys work it out, they can be left with hard feelings toward your other half, that may always linger.  For me, I value the advice from someone who can see the situation for what it is and can tell me when I'm wrong. Someone who reveres marriage and knows that I cherish mine as well. This is not the time to post it on facebook and see how many "likes" or comments you can get, dropping subtle hints of what it's about (clearly everyone knows) just for your own self-pity. No matter how much you say things like,"I'm strong, I can make it through this" It's a pity party. Got it! Good. This is a private matter, that should be handled maturely and with care.

Prayer- I always save the best for last, although it shouldn't be the last thing you do. This is everyday life. Ask the Lord for you to find contentment with what He has blessed you with, give you the right words to say when you want to say all the wrong ones, help you to be humble and show you how to respect your partner.

Ask for guidance on what to do when you feel as if everything is spiraling out of control. Do not pray that He changes your partner, you pray that he changes you. You see, who are we to ask Him to change someone else, someone who He created for His purpose? Do pray FOR him though. Trust that I know from experience, it will happen in the Lord's perfect timing. He may not be the early you're searching for, but he is never late. Be patient.                      

A day in my toddler's shoes

" I want to go outside!" shouted my three year old. It was a beautiful spring day and my husband volunteered to watch the baby. So I thought to myself, I could use the fresh air, sit down, relax, and surf the internet while she played "OK, let's go!"

We went through the laundry room and headed for the backdoor. On the way, she saw one of her favorite stuffed animals Clifford, and a ''magic wand.'' She grabbed them up and off we went. Once outside, I quickly tried to set up post with my computer and phone. But she kept coming over, wanting her shoes off, her shoes on, back and forth. Then I realized, that she just wanted my attention and for me to play with her. Something I haven't done much of since the baby had been born two months before.

She approached me again, I closed my laptop and looked at her. ''mommy, will you take me to the forest?" Mind you, we leave in a townhome and far from any forest. But I stood up, brushed off my behind and said, "Sure, come on!"

Riding her trusty steed Clifford, we came upon a gate that led to the forest. Using her magical wand, we unlocked the gate and off we went.

What a beautiful place, this forest. The trees were so tall, almost blocking out the sun! We picked up boulders as big as rocks and watched eagles soar as if they were just regular birds. We battled creatures that  resembled bugs and saw a lion that looked like a dog, he saw us also, but the princess assured me he was just there to potty.

It wasn't long before she spoke of her prince charming, "I want to go see daddy." I smiled, and we headed back to the castle hand in hand.

I needed to be reminded that a child views this world much differently than we do. I needed to remember that, what's just a walk around the neighborhood to me, is an adventure for her. The innocence of a child's mind. I didn't even get mad later that evening when she dumped a pack of crackers over the balcony into the yard and told me it was for the doggies. I am thankful for this day, I am thankful I decided to take a walk in my toddler's shoes.