My Personal Matter

“Be still, and know that I am God” are the words that kept repeating itself over and over in my head, as I sat silent in the dark rocking the baby to sleep. Then it hit me all at once, my revelation. Let me explain:

I am a very private person about personal matters. My hair could be on fire and when asked if I’m alright, I’ll say ‘I’m just fine.’ But I am going to share with you, about what I have been dealing with these past several weeks. At the end, I will state the reason why I am opening up so publicly. Let’s begin.

Inside myself, I have been battling a war. I have been stressed to the max, irrational, angry, and impatient. I have had feelings of jealousy, depression, and resentment. But Melissa, you are a Christian, you’re supposed to be perfect in Christ at all times, some may think. Almost as if becoming a Christian is a drug you take. Dissolving all of your problems, leaving you floating on one big, white, puffy, smiling cloud. Christian? Yes. Human and fallible? Most certainly! My dad’s words to me ring true, ‘You have just entered the fight of your life.’

Every since I have came to the cross, almost two years ago, I speak with God daily. I think about Him constantly and love Him ever so dearly. I do not call on Him only when I am in need. This is an ongoing relationship.  

Knowing that these thoughts were an impure and ungodly way of dealing with my situation, I still struggled. Here is how I dealt with and overcame it. I prayed. I knocked on His door so many times a day, for several weeks. Confessing my sinful ways, asking for forgiveness. Asking to guide me, begging for Him to protect and take this away from me. Day after day, it stayed the same. I felt the same. No relief, nothing.

Now, I sat here in awe and peace, coming to the realization as to why this had all taken place. You see, through all this, I never wondered if my prayers were heard. I never thought for a second, that He wasn’t going to deliver me. I didn’t question if He was really there. I never doubted His faithfulness or the promises He has made to me.

Here are the two reasons I am sharing this:

The importance of Faith-  Let us start with an understanding that nothing evil comes from God. The fall of man introduced sin into this world, but sometimes God allows things to happen to us. One of these reasons, is to test our faith. It isn’t to prove our faith to Him, being that he knows all, it is to prove the strength of faith to ourselves. Scripture explains what faith means and the importance of faith.

”Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.’’ Hebrews 11:1

What does this mean, exactly? I want to examine this passage. When we go to the Lord in prayer, we know (assurance) that he hears us and will give us the things we ask (hoped) for, even though we cannot see (conviction) it yet. We believe this, because we know that our God is a faithful and trusting God. He has made these promises to us.  Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be open to you. Matthew 7:7 Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. Mark 11:24

To glorify God-  Whatever you ask in my name, this I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. John 14:13. I am thankful to have received this test. It most certainly was not fun, but the outcome is one to treasure. I know that such things are for my own good. I grew more spiritually. I was made to remember, just how much power our God has and how He controls all things. Drawing myself nearer to him and the feeling of awe struck wonder, as I stood in his presence. Which brings me to why I am so compelled to share this.

Although this test was meant for me and serves a great purpose, I know this is something ultimately bigger than I am. The objective is to glorify Him. Sharing with you my experience, to show His sovereignty, grace, and mercy. His reliability, patience, the absolute righteousness that our God possesses. That among all the afflictions and uncertainty this world has to offer, He is the one who is always certain, unwavering, and never changes. The only one, who never fails to fulfill His promises. A steady ground to rest upon. I want so desperately, for you to feel a peace that surpasses all understanding. He is calling to you, please hear your name.  

By: Melissa Reyes