What's that you ask, that is so deserving of such a dramatic opening? My ''Cool Card.'' Yes, my licenses have been permanently revoked! I am officially no longer considered cool.
Here is a list of the crimes I have committed, in the past couple of years, that has caused this legitimate action to take place.
- I have done the Mom Dance. In case you are wondering what awesome moves this consist of or secretly wondering, if you are guilty of busting out into it. I can teach it to you really fast. Ready? Ok. Now clap hands, then snap fingers, and repeat. All the while, shuffling your feet from side to side. If you are doing this or have done this, you are on your way to being an ultimate cheese ball. The upside, is that you now possess the power to embarrass the crap out of your kid. You're welcome!
- Googling slang terms. Google is a great friend of mine. I use it to find information of all sorts. Including the meaning of TBH, LMS, and DDT. These are just to name a few, of the very many, abbreviations that are used online these days. I still haven't moved past LOL!
- It takes me five minutes to read and understand a text that resembles this: gr8 2 c u 2day! Btw be bk soon. I hv sum1 u need to c.. K?! TTYL:)
- The thought of even staying out past 10:00, causes me great anxiety. It interrupts my boring routine of mindless internet surfing and cuts into my "me" time. Besides, anything past 8:30 a.m. is considered sleeping in!
- Running away the neighborhood children for being too loud. Yes, I became THAT woman one night. My daughter was trying to sleep and they were disturbing my Bible study. Here is my cool choice of words, " You guys need to quiet it down out here! Where do you live?!? Who is your momma and daddy?!?"
- At a redlight, I am listening to the news radio. While finding out the weather forecast of the week, so I'll know how to dress my kids in the morning, the guy next to me is blasting a song, about how he ''Woke up in a new bugatti!'' BTW, if you have to google this song, you need to turn in your licenses immediately, because of it's absurd popularity.
It's ''Cool'' with me though, I'm right where I want to be!